i really do love the whole beach exchange between Stede and CJ because it was the writers making the subtext text so suddenly and blatantly in the span of a minute. CJ just putting buggery on the table and confirming Blackbeard is into men, Stede immediately looking at his dick, Stede having a full blown jealous hissy fit… it just yanks the wheel away from hets who think they’re watching a bromance and hands it over to queers who were ready to dismiss it as more baiting, subtext, or ambiguity. And it does so without ignoring or downplaying the gay sex of it all
“Prongs?” Sirius questions with a mouthful of bacon, scrunching up his nose in confusion as James slumps next to him on the bench. “Why is your tie green?”
James immediately sits up in his seat. His hand goes straight to his tie, lifting it up to examine the color and cursing himself when he finds it green, not red. James suddenly finds it hard to breathe as he looks over at his friends, each of them curiously glancing over in his direction and waiting for a response.
“Um…” James trails off, trying to make up a believable explanation. “Oh! A Slytherin must’ve charmed it! To get back at us for last week’s prank.” He nods feverishly, trying desperately to appear sincere.
It seems to work as Sirius makes a disgruntled noise, rolling his eyes as he reaches for another piece of bacon. “Those slimy snakes.” He shoves the bacon into his mouth, chewing on it angrily. “Don’t worry, Prongs. We’ll get ‘em back.”
Peter nods across the table in agreement, and the two immediately delve into a conversation about hair dye and explosions. James tries not to seem conspicuous about his relief, though a tap on his shoulder lets him know he was unsuccessful. James sighs in defeat.
He should’ve known nothing gets past Remus Lupin.
“You don’t suppose the Slytherins also pranked Regulus Black, now would you?” Remus whispers, nodding over to the Slytherin table. James follows his gaze to where Regulus is scowling, his face as red as the tie around his neck while his friends laugh hysterically around him.
James chokes back a laugh, trying to disguise it as a cough at the last second. He swipes a piece of toast off of Remus’ plate, taking a big bite before smiling sweetly at him. “I don’t know what you mean, Moony.”
Still thinking of how Liz Truss not only absolutely obliterated the previous record for βshortest term as Prime Ministerβ but the previous dude at least had the excuse of getting tuberculosis in 1827 and dying in office
“S2 Stede in a simple linen shirt and plain trou–” you fools. That rowboat look was a base. That was practically his birthday suit because he was being reborn again into a new life. And he still had a cute lil sash to flutter in the breeze.
This man saw a decades-old tatty piece of silk and immediately thought hey! that would make a cute accent piece! and he made it happen effortlessly. S2 no-money romantic hero Stede is gonna be rocking some lewks assembled out of whatever he can scrounge up or steal.
And now that he is decidedly more pirate than gentleman my pet theory is that certified Theater Gay Stede Bonnet is gonna go full pirate cosplay. He’s gonna have the billowy white shirt with a little less lace and a little more exposed collarbone and he’s gonna have so many color-coordinated sash and headscarf ensembles (just a pop of color really pulls the whole look together don’t you think?) and the tricorner hat is gonna be back with just the most ridiculous feather stuck in it (peacock? I’m hoping for peacock) and he’ll be combing through the wardrobe of every ship they raid like an 18th-century Bergdorf sample sale.
Mark my words. As Pirate King Elizabeth Swann was for lesbians, so shall Stede Bonnet be for flamboyant gay men.
